S2E10: Coffee with Gabi! Signs of Healing: Feeling Your Feelings, Building Resilience, Setting Boundaries, and Practicing Self-Compassion
"I'm going through a lot right now." I've been hearing so many people say this recently, including myself.
Truth is, life is tough! But I've found myself feeling really grateful in the midst of the tough things because I've recognized some signs that the healing work I have done is actually impacting my life in profound ways. That's what I want to talk with you about on today's episode of Pain to Passion Live!
You'll start to gain an understanding of how much you've grown and healed when...
You feel your feelings when they come up, allow them to be expressed, and don't get stuck!
You go through something really hard and it doesn't take you out (like it would have in the past).
You don't feel guilty about setting and maintaining boundaries with people for your well-being.
You make decisions for your wellness based on self-compassion and self-worth instead of guilt or shame.
Do you recognize any of these markers of healing in your own life? Let me know!
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xx- Gabi Ruth
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(TRANSCRIPT) S2E10: Coffee with Gabi! Signs of Healing
Note: Transcript is created by AI. Please excuse any errors.
Gabi: Hello, beauties. Welcome back to Pain to Passion Live and this Coffee with Gabi episode. I hope you can grab your favorite beverage, take a seat, and spend a few minutes relaxing and having a good chat with me because in my opinion, there are a few things in life better than having coffee and chatting with a friend.
Don't you agree? So today I wanted to talk to you about some of the things that you can be on the lookout for to know that you are healing and the healing work that you're doing is actually working. I think we can often get so caught up in where we're not, that we forget about where we are and how far we have come.
I know that's the case for me and I can get so just busy with life [00:01:00] and feeling like buried under all of the different things that get thrown my way, whether it's normal everyday things or random crises or interventions with the children or whatever it might be. I. Always am looking at like, oh, what I could have done better or whatever.
We tend to have this focus on like what's not right, so, When we can start to reframe and think about the things that are right, even in difficult circumstances, we can start to get this idea of how our growth work and our healing work has actually been working and affecting our lives. So one of the signs of knowing that your healing work is working.
Is that you're starting to actually feel your feelings when they come up. So if you get that, you know, crying sensation in your throat, you actually might cry. Or if [00:02:00] you are. Overjoyed, you feel that joy or if you are feeling angry, you find a way to express that anger in a healthy way. You allow those feelings to be expressed and they don't get stuck inside of your body anymore.
So many of us, um, before we heal and. Learn about these things. We get stuck in our feelings. Something will come up and we'll push it away. We'll numb out, we'll dissociate, we'll distract ourselves instead of actually feeling the feelings. And did you know that if you don't feel the feelings, they will get stuck inside of your body?
They have to be expressed. So when you start to actually feel your feelings in real time, you know, That your healing work is actually accomplishing something, and that is something to really celebrate, even if it means you're crying more. Listen, I know I've said this before, but in 2022, so last year, my main goal for the [00:03:00] year was to be able to cry because I hadn't actually cried in a really long time, even though it was the hardest several years of my life.
Um, I had stopped crying, especially. In front of other people. I just, I just couldn't do it. And I knew it was something that I wanted. And let me just say mission to accomplish. I cry all the time in front of whoever, like pretty much every day. Um, and I feel like that's a really big deal. So another sign to know that you're healing is that you're going through something really hard.
And it doesn't take you out like it would have in the past. I personally am going through something really hard right now, and I know a lot of you are going through something really hard right now too, or maybe multiple things that are really hard all at the same time and they're coming at you. But listen, I know for a fact.
Verified indeed by my [00:04:00] therapist that if I had gone through this thing that I'm going through right now, even if it was six months ago, let alone a year ago or two years ago, I wouldn't have been able to handle it like it would've taken me out. I would've been stuck in bed for days. I just would not have been able to do it, and I would've done whatever it took to get back to status quo, to homeostasis, even if that meant in the long run I was harming myself.
So when you can go through something super hard and it doesn't take you out, Like That's resilience, y'all. And resilience is a sign of healing. I. So recognize those things that you're walking through that are really hard, that maybe what you can be grateful for in the midst of that is that you're still standing.
Bravo, kudos to you and all the hard healing work that you've done. [00:05:00] Another sign to know that you are healing is that you don't feel guilty about setting and maintaining boundaries with people for your own wellbeing. Boundaries are a big deal, you guys, and when we first start doing boundaries for our wellbeing, like we can feel some.
Ways we can feel really guilty, we can feel really bad like we're hurting the other person. You care more about the effect your boundaries have on the other person than you care about how people crossing your boundaries affects you. And when that shifts where you know that you need to have those boundaries in place for your own wellbeing and you don't feel guilty about that.
You know, you've grown, you know you're healing and that is a huge, huge indicator that the work you're doing is sticking. Um, and you should be so, so proud of yourself. I [00:06:00] love that. That's a been a big one for me. It's like, oh, I finally realize I'm not the caretaker for everyone in the world. The person that I'm most responsible for is me.
So if I'm not taking care of myself well, like how can I be trusted with anything? You know? So the guilt and the shame that used to accompany, um, boundary setting is no longer there. And fourthly, another sign that you're healing is that you make decisions for your wellness based on self-compassion and self-worth, instead of guilt or shame.
This has been a huge one for me, you guys. Um, and when I say wellness, I mean like physical wellness, mental wellness, emotional, spiritual, et cetera, et cetera. So an example for me is working out, I used to make myself work out, out of shame or guilt, like feeling like if I didn't work [00:07:00] out then I was bad or I wasn't.
As good of a person as I could be, et cetera, or I was gonna get fat, or you know, whatever. All of those guilt reasons, and guilt and shame can be motivators, but they're temporary and they're toxic motivators. But when I start to make those decisions based on self-compassion and self-worth, it shifts everything.
So even yesterday, This was something that I was thinking about a lot because I had a really tough day, a couple of, um, intense emotional meetings that I had to have, and I knew in my mind that if I could get to a workout and move my body, That it would help to release some of that tension. I would get endorphins.
Um, that bilateral st bilateral stimulation would help my brain really process everything that I had, um, had to [00:08:00] talk through in these meetings, cetera. I didn't really feel motivated to go, I was tired, all of that, but, I knew that it was what was best for my wellbeing. I was showing myself compassion and showing myself that I was worthwhile by getting in the car and driving to my gym and taking a yoga class.
So that can be like when you are. Making your schedule for when you sleep or how you spend time with Jesus. If you're a Jesus person like me or moving your body, you make those decisions based on your own self-worth and compassion for yourself in instead of shame and guilt. That's a huge indicator that things are shifting for you and you actually are having a, an appropriate perspective on your value, um, on your health and what you're worth.
So I hope that that's encouraging to you [00:09:00] guys, that you are seeing some of these signs in your own life. And if you feel like some of these areas are still a little weak, that's okay. You have something to look forward to. This is something I want you to take away from this as well, is most of the time we don't really recognize the healing that is taking place while it's taking place.
That's the cool thing about therapeutic intervention. And therapeutic modalities that focus on bilateral stimulation and somatic work, like working things through your body. You don't know in the moment that you're actually healing. It's when you walk through life differently, you show up differently than you would have before that you start to see, oh, this work that I'm doing is actually paying off.
So keep up the good work friends. Do not be discouraged and listen, I'm so stoked because I actually have something to help you all through [00:10:00] this process of healing that is coming up soon. You will want to stay tuned. I am launching a brand new 12 week one-on-one. Coaching program that is specifically for this, for you to heal your past so you can reengage your dreams and your calling.
It's going to be incredible. It's going to be life changing if that is something that you would be interested in. Please shoot me a DM on Instagram or just send me a message that says, I want in on my email, and I will be sure to let you know first when this launches. It's launching very soon. In the meantime, please go to my website or the link.
In the show notes here, the link in the bio of my Instagram, there is a place where you can download a free 10 day Soul care journal. Yes, it's free. It's a 10 day journal with pictures and with prompts, and it's going to bless your [00:11:00] socks off as you start to process what's going on inside your heart.
Thank you again for being here, my friends. I am so looking forward to seeing you next time. Have a wonderful day and enjoy the rest of your coffee.