S2E6: Permission to Offend - Rachel Luna
For months I have been eagerly anticipating having this conversation with Rachel Luna about her new book, Permission to Offend!
This book is amazing and our conversation was a BLAST. I love Rachel's heart and her energy, and I know you will too!
There's SO much goodness in the book, including these topics that we chatted through for this episode:
- What's the difference between beliefs and values, and why are these things important for understanding your identity?
- What are personal truths, why are they important, and how can we respectfully hold others' personal truths without compromising our own?
-Being an Empathetic Offender (y'all, this is JUICY!)
-How does increasing your permission to offend and to be offended help create deeper and more authentic relationships?
-Boundaries and being your own boundary bully!
-How dreaming and permission to offend go hand-in-hand.
...and so many other wonderful nuggets!!
Make sure you go snag a copy of Rachel's book, Permission to Offend, and leave a review on Amazon!!
If you're enjoying this podcast, please take a moment to rate and review. Thank you sooooo much!
More about Rachel:
Rachel Luna, author of Permission to Offend, is a highly sought after international speaker & Certified Master Neuroscience Coach to 6 and 7 figure earning entrepreneurs. Named by Forbes as one of The 11 Most Inspiring Female Entrepreneurs To Follow On Instagram, this former US Marine has a reputation for inspiring confident action and helping her clients double, triple and quadruple their income. Her clients often referred to her as their “secret weapon.”
Rachel calls herself a magnet for miracles because despite losing both her parents to AIDS, struggling with eating disorders in her teens and battling alcoholism and depression in her early 20’s, Rachel has never allowed herself to be limited by life circumstances. Instead, she persevered and when she was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in the summer of 2019, Rachel tackled it the same way she does everything - with confidence, faith and love.
Within 30 days she was cancer free and today she continues to thrive, teach, and activate confidence in others. Through her top-rated podcast, Permission to Offend - which has listeners in over 90 countries around the world - social media platforms, email list, courses, her live event Confidence Activated, and journaling membership - The Faith Activated Journaling Experience, Rachel is on a mission to help 11 million women step into faith, worth and wealth.
Standing only 4 feet 11 inches tall, Rachel is a tiny but mighty firecracker who lights up the room and galvanizes her audiences all around the world. An international speaker, Rachel has been invited to share her powerful talks all across the globe from the US to Europe to Japan and has been featured in Forbes twice, The Huffington Post, Success Magazine and Latina Magazine among many others.
If you’re ready to return to your truth, own it, and live fully self-expressed without fear of judgment, rejection or defamation - so that you can step into your next level of elevation, Rachel Luna is the girl you call.
Connect with Rachel:
Instagram - @girlconfident
Podcast - Permission to Offend
Buy the book & leave a review! - Permission to Offend
Website - rachelluna.biz
Connect with Gabi:
Instagram - @gabiruth
TikTok - @gabiruth84
Facebook - facebook.com/gabiruth84
Website - gabiruth.com
Coach with Gabi - gabiruth.com/book-a-1on1-call
Invite Gabi to Speak - gabiruth.com/speaking
Gabi: [00:00:00] Hello, beautiful people. Welcome back to Pain to Passion Live. Buckle up guys. This is gonna be a fun time. I am so excited because I get to chat with the beautiful and amazing Rachel Luna today. Hi Rachel.
Rachel: Hello Gabi. Thank you for having me. Very excited to be here.
Gabi: I have been so looking forward to this.
It's been up on my calendar for a while, and when I saw that the day was coming, I'm like, it's finally here. Everyone get out of my house. This is me and Rachel Time. Hi. So I'm so stoked. Um, Rachel just released this amazing book. If you're watching on YouTube, you can see permission to offend. She has a bunch behind her that matches her shirt, which I just love.
Uh, this book is amazing. I really didn't know what to expect except that I knew I loved [00:01:00] you and I knew your voice was incredible, but like, I was like, where is this gonna go? But the more that I've dived into it, I'm like, okay, everyone needs to read this. Especially if you're a driven, compassionate, wanting to go for it.
Woman, I really think like, All of the messages. It's not just one. It's so many messages in here is so rich and wonderful. But before we jump in to this book, because I have so many questions about your amazing content, I. I would love to hear, just for anyone who doesn't know you yet, like who is Rachel, where do you come from, and what are you about.
Rachel: Gabi!
That's such a loaded question. I know, right?
Who is Rachel? All right. Well, I, I guess I will give you the answer that I give in chapter two of the book, permission to Offend. Because one of the things that I emphasize is the importance of identity and [00:02:00] what often happens when people ask that question, who are you?
Tell me about yourself. We begin to rattle off our roles and responsibilities. Mm-hmm. So I'm Rachel Luna. I'm a number one wrestling author. I'm a coach. I'm a mother. I'm a wife. We start to give out all these assignments. That other people have given to us or that we've taken on ourselves. But at the end of the day, that's not really who we are.
Those are just things that we do or, or. Moments in our life who we really are is comprised of our values and our beliefs. That's our true identity, and I like to ask people when everything is taken away from you, every job, every role, every responsibility, when all of that is gone. What is left? Because what people cannot take away from you is what you believe and what you value.
So ask me what I believe. I believe that we all should enjoy the right to have freedom, and I [00:03:00] also believe that freedom is not free. It comes at a cost. There's a price that many people are not willing to pay. It's gonna cost you time. Money, energy, relationships, family, friends, career, and today, at the time of this recording, it's Memorial Day for some people that those freedoms that we enjoy have cost people their lives.
Mm-hmm. And I am in pursuit of freedom, emotional freedom, spiritual, physical, financial in any sense of the word, that freedom of expression. I believe it's so important and plot twist. I also believe that when we are. Living our most expressed lives, our mo, our fully self-expressed lives. When we are operating in that freedom, it is really important to recognize where our freedom begins ends and encroaches.
Gabi: Hmm. So good.
Rachel: Right? Think [00:04:00] about this. This is gonna be hot button, so great. Great. Okay. Good permission to offend. Um, yes. I believe emphatically in the freedom for people to be whoever the hell they want to be, do it. It is not okay with me personally. I. When your freedom then takes away a part, part of my freedom, or when my freedom takes apart, away from your freedom.
Mm-hmm. And so we have to learn how to navigate these very delicate lines of, you know, where, where, where's that intersection. So if you ask me, who are you, I'm a champion for, tell us about Reg Imma champion for freedom. I'm a champion for truth, both personal truth and subjective truth. I am a curator of facts.
I am interested in irrefutable facts and I am [00:05:00] always interested in understanding and in looking for community and connection. Um, without forfeiting my values and my beliefs. That's who I am.
Gabi: Um, that was amazing, and you're speaking my language so far. I only have one tattoo, but that tattoo is freedom on my wrist.
I'm all about it. Everything you just said is like fireworks in my heart. Um, so delighted and I love how you explained like, The difference between saying what you do about roles you've been assigned and how that's different from who you are. So honestly, your introduction has been very unique among introductions, and I'm grateful for that.
You did say beliefs and values, and you talk about both of those a lot in the book, but for those of us who might be confused about the differentiation between the two, like what is a belief and what is a [00:06:00] value?
Rachel: So a belief is what you, well, first of all, huh? Little bit of nuance here and, but I live in the nuance.
I do not believe in black or white. There are so many shades of gray. Think about, have you ever tried to go shopping for white paint? Have you ever told that Gabby? Yes. Now there are a hundred different shades of white. Mm-hmm. And that's, and we're talking about it's not black or white. You're right. Is there's so many shades and VA variations.
So, um, first of all, when we talk about beliefs, we have to take into consideration what we've been programmed and taught to believe by our parents, teachers, caregivers, and people of influence. I encourage you to ask yourself, what do I believe and why? A belief is, for example, I, I'm a Christian, so I believe that Jesus is the Messiah.
Why? Gabby, I've been searching for that answer my whole li like, why do I [00:07:00] believe that? Well, I know that. I believe that because that's what I was taught. But why do I still believe that? Okay? Mm-hmm. So this is something that I'm really interested in work when I work with my clients, and I'm always kind of pushing back, but why?
But why? But why? Going five layers deep and asking why? Because then you hit the truth that surface, that first answer to why. That's conditioning. Mm-hmm. Second answer programming, third answer, uh, rooted, deep-rooted beliefs so that you can stay safe. Right. Once we go layers, 4, 5, 6, 7. Now we're getting to the truth of the truth.
So I, I still, when people ask me like, well, why do you believe that? Listen, I have chosen to believe that. Mm-hmm. At the end of the day, I believe it cuz I choose to believe it. Because if we look at logical facts, scientific proof and evidence, uh, you can make [00:08:00] arguments any all which way. The real, the truth in, in my perspective, the subjective truth is that, um, Nobody really knows.
We won't know until we die. And even the people that have died and come back to say like, I saw Jesus or I saw, we dunno if they're, if that actually happened or if they're just having some sort of a psychotic break. So at the end of the day, I. Believe it because I choose to believe it and because I have personal evidence in my life that when I subscribe to this belief, when I read my Bible, when I took obedient action, it all worked out.
I call myself a magnet for miracles. Now I. Is that hardcore proof for someone else with the, probably not, but this is why I teach and permission to offend. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter what other people wanna believe or choose not to believe. Go back to your values, your belief system, and [00:09:00] as long as you can be unshakeable in what is true for you, you're not gonna be offended by what other people have to say.
Hmm.
Gabi: Yeah. So good. So it's all good.
Rachel: Y y you might still not agree, right? There are people, there are truths and I've used the, the, there are personal truths of other people that I, that are not true for me. Mm-hmm. And I've kept an open mind and I've tried to be understanding and I understand why it's true for them.
And I also know it's a a hundred percent not true for me. Mm-hmm. I'm not offended by what they choose to do until their choices encroach upon my freedom, my choices, and the way that I identify. Then we have to have more conversation. We don't have to argue, we don't have to fight. We just have to have more conversation so we can get to a better place of understanding, and I'm a big proponent for that.
Gabi: Yeah. Which you talk about [00:10:00] the empathetic offender. We'll get to that, but you just kind of explained what that looks like. I loved how in the book you talked about how like an empathetic offender, which again, we can get to a bit more, but they hold space for other people's values and beliefs while not compromising their own, which is pretty much exactly what you just said.
Um, but that is, That is really illuminating to me. To be able to do both of those things, I think is such a beautiful skill that we should all cultivate, um, just cuz imagine the better dialogue and the better understanding that we could have in our, in our own lives and in our world.
Rachel: Yeah, it takes practice.
Yeah, for sure. I, there are some areas in which I know that I've totally mastered it. There are some topics, conversations like politics. I'm gr I can talk to anybody about politics and you're not gonna get me riled up. At all. Mm-hmm. I'm really [00:11:00] confident in what I believe politically. Um, and I'm also really interested to hear what other parties have to say, other perspectives.
Um, so in that regard, I'm like, bring it. But there are still some areas where I have to really take time and. Keep my mouth shut for a moment. And this isn't a distinction that I don't think I've made in the book. Um, just cuz they only let you write so many words we had to cut. Right? I'm sure we had to cut a lot out, but there are, when I say give yourself permission to live unfiltered and unafraid.
And I actually, that's not true. I said it in the, in the introduction. I say it's not about speaking without thinking, right? So we're not just spouting off at the mouth. There are some areas, there are some conversations that are currently being had in the interwebs and on in the media that I have not stepped into [00:12:00] the arena to discuss because I am still trying to figure out what I believe.
About it, and I, I don't feel prepared to take a position for or against, I'm still learning. And I think that there's great wisdom in listening and learning and thinking before you just start, you know, planting your flags on, on mountains that are just insurmountable.
Gabi: Mm-hmm. Oh, so good. Like that's such wisdom.
It really is because especially in this social media era, we all just like jump on bandwagons before we even really know what we're talking about and we get so riled up. Um, and it's okay to figure out what you believe, but taking the time to think about it, And actually get rooted in it, like you're saying, helps you from getting that offenses.
Rachel: Yeah, and also [00:13:00] sometimes there are some things where. I definitely, I know how I personally feel about it and I have so much compassion and empathy for the people that feel differently and it, it's, it's hard because there's that in between. I'll give you an example, and this is why I made the decision that I do not respond to hot button situations on social media in the first 24 to 72 hours.
I don't care about being relevant. I don't care about catching the algorithm because catching the algorithm, um, really puts you out of alignment with your identity and with your truth. So last year, I wanna say it was like last summer whenever the Roe v. Wade. Thing got reversed. Was that, that was like last summer, right?
Yeah. I thought for a second. I was like, Ooh, this is gonna be not good. Like the, the internet is gonna break today. Yeah. I was on [00:14:00] vacation and I'm from New York City. My family still lives there, so I was on vacation in New York visiting my family and we were getting ready to go out to lunch. And as a Christian, you know, we had, well, There are all kinds of flavors of Christians, but you know, as a woman that trying to tries to live her life as close to the Bible as possible, I'm not perfect.
I'm a big old, nasty sin, made all the mistakes in the book, so don't come at me like, oh, you think you're so perfect. No, I absolutely know 100% I need Jesus I, that is how imperfect I actually am, that I need this book and I need my faith, and I need to pray, and I need to ask for forgiveness and redemption every single day.
So, mm-hmm. I decide, you know what, for me, I value freedom. I, I value financial freedom. Those are kind of, uh, pillars of my brand. I said, I'm not gonna talk about the, whether it's right or wrong to kill babies or [00:15:00] fetuses, or embryos, or sales, or zygotes, or whatever you wanna call it. I'm just gonna take a perspective from the fiscal.
Side of the house and I posted, well, if we've learned anything from Roe v. Wade today, is that, um, you better start making money. Women better start making more money if they wants to like live freely. Why? Because if you have money, you can get on a plane, fly to another country, and you'll be fine. But if you don't have money, then you're gonna be stuck like Chuck, based on whatever your state says.
Mm-hmm. No position for or against anything. Oh my goodness. The internet, they just all came for me. They just, oh. I mean, they were so mad. They were so offended. They started tagging each other. And by the way, it's like a bunch of people that don't even follow me. Hmm. I, and [00:16:00] I started to get into the comments, and then I was like, you know what?
I'm on vacation. I'm just gonna let them fight it out in the comments. I said, what? I said, you know, and I didn't even say anything about women's rights, right? That experience just reminded me like number one do, do I care enough? About this topic that I'm willing to go to bat and, and pick up a sword and a shield and fight off the internet bullies of the world.
Um, and it's not that I don't care about the lives of children, I absolutely do. It's not that I don't care about the rights of women. I absolutely do. It's that wisdom tells me right now there is no clear solution in order for women's rights and the protection of children and our like, so many things have to [00:17:00] change.
For this to work out to where everyone gets to win. And these are conversations that we're not having as a society. So once I realize like, listen, there's too many arguments to be had in order to get resolution on this argument. I, I'm out. I'm out until God tells me, you know what, Rachel Uhuh, get back in there cuz that's your mission, that's your assignment.
This is the problem I think that people have is that we think that because we have online presence, our assignment is every sociopolitical issue that arises. Mm-hmm. And it's not, it's a distraction. Do you have the courage to make the post that says, I'm not commenting on this because that I do care about these things, but my business is in the business of serving X, Y, and z.
And that's what [00:18:00] I'm gonna do. If you are a paying client, I'm happy to have this conversation. If you're not mm-hmm. I'm not, I'm not gonna pander to you. Mm-hmm. And I'm not gonna let you bully me into taking a position that I'm not ready to take.
Gabi: Yeah. So good. Ah, I just love it. You, you kind of like get into the book just.
Quick, and there's a, there's a line at the be like near the beginning that I wanted to read because I feel like it kind of. Talks about the entire subject matter, but it hits you when you read it if you don't really know what's gonna happen next. So it says, increasing your permission to offend increases your permission to be offended, which in turn allows others to form deeper relationships with you, which is kind of a wow statement when you first read that.
So how does increasing your permission to offend. And increasing [00:19:00] your permission to be offended form deeper relationships. How is that possible?
Rachel: Okay, let's take the second half of the statement. Giving yourself permission to be offend, like increasing your capacity to be offended. One of the reasons why people don't speak up is because they're so easily offended.
Mm-hmm. And that offense hurts them so much that they don't want anyone else to feel that pain. So they don't say anything at all cuz they don't wanna make someone feel as uncomfortable as they feel. I'll give you an example. Okay? When, um, one of my daughters was younger, she had really bad eczema and, and it would like, you know, her scalp would get all just like nasty and gross, right?
And me being the Puerto Rican that I am, I'm like, get over here. You know, and I'm digging through her hair and I'm doing all these things and I'm, I don't think about what, how she feels. Mm-hmm. My other daughter comes and says, let me [00:20:00] look your hair, mom. Let me look your hair. And as she's doing all of that, all of a sudden, I felt that my nervous system got activated and I was like, oh my God, I hope she doesn't find any nastiness, that I'd be fine.
You know, I, all of a sudden my whole, my heart please started to to race. And I thought, oh, is this what my little girl feels like? Because she would avoid it, right? She'd be like, no, mom, please, like, it's fine. It's fine. And I'd be like, no, get over here. Let me look. I gotta, you know, pull up these flakes. And because I think I'm helping her until I was in that situation where the other one is digging through my head.
Then what ended up happening, Gabby, is that I stopped wanting to check my little one's head because I didn't want her to feel that the dun dun feeling. And then I had to stop myself and say, Rachel, you're being ridiculous. First of all. Of course, nobody wants to be told that something is wrong with them, but you are her mother.
Are you gonna let her walk out like that [00:21:00] so that the kids who have no chill, the kids who are so rude and honest, sometimes they're honest. Sometimes they're just plain over rude and you just don't know where that line falls. Yeah. So that can come after her. No. So guess what I started doing? I started getting the older one to just dig around in my hair.
Right. Why? So that my nervous system could acclimate. Hmm. And then once my nervous system was acclimated, I was then in my little one's head and just saying like, I know it feels scary, and I know you're probably thinking that there's something wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you. The reason that we're doing this is so that you have a healthy scalp so it doesn't itch.
You know, I started explaining why we're doing that. That's an aggressive example, I think, and probably not relatable to most people, but because I've [00:22:00] been doing this work of like, I'm, I'm not easily offended. Um, this was the one that was most resonant to me because I could recall that feeling. But I take into consideration, uh, one of my clients, she was, she didn't wanna put her offer out into the world.
I'm like, why not What we've been talking about this for forever. What is the hold up? And she's like, I don't wanna come across as salesy or pushy. And I said, tell me what your sales experience is like. And she's like, well, you know, you go in there and they just keep messaging you and messaging you or, and they, you know, all these emails and I don't like it.
And I said, have you ever had a great sales experience? Well, yeah. I said, okay, what'd you like about that? So what we want to be able to do is think about the things that we do appreciate. And bring that into our truth and things that we don't appreciate, and [00:23:00] just question, well, why does it make me so uncomfortable?
Why does it bother me when someone is being quote unquote pushy or salesy? Could it be because you're not opening your mouth to say, no thank you. I'm not interested because I can tell you right now when people send me emails that I don't wanna get. I either, if I wanna stay on their email list, I'll respond to them and say, can you put me on the, can you tag me not to get these sales emails, but I still wanna be on your list cause I don't wanna get off the list.
I just don't want this crap. Mm-hmm. Um, or I unsubscribe if I'm at a clothing store and they bum rush me and come up there and they're like, Hey. I say, listen. I'm looking when I need you. I'll find you. Thank you. What was your name? And they gimme their name. Okay, great. Do you work on commission? Okay, great.
I'll find you. I know you work on commission. I got you. I'm not back up off me. Mm-hmm. But people don't say that. Yeah. [00:24:00] So you have to be willing to be offended. You have to be willing to feel uncomfortable. You have to be willing to let your own nervous system get activated from time to time so that you can go and activate some other people's nervous systems in support of your truth and your beliefs and your business and your dreams and your goals.
Gabi: So, so great luck with you're speaking my language, like nervous system activation is kind of where I. Spend most of my time, I don't, not activated, but teaching people about nervous system activation and how honestly, you can't grow unless you get activated. Hmm. Like your window of tolerance. Actually expands when you have like one foot inside of your window of tolerance and one, one foot outside in activation.
That's how you grow. Um, so that whole scenario that you just mentioned was an opportunity for growth for you and for someone else, which I think then gets to what [00:25:00] you're saying about you can create deeper relationships. Some relationships will go bye-bye percent Right. But the relationships that stay.
Um, have the capacity to go deeper because of these principles, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, and you kind of mentioned it. Off to the side a little bit about boundaries as you're talking through this, but I loved your take on boundaries. Um, let's see. I think I had a specific Okay. Boundary bullies.
Rachel: I knew you saying that.
Boundary bullies.
Gabi: The boundary bullies. I first of all felt a lot of conviction about being my own boundary bully. So can you tell us what a boundary bully is and how we can be boundary bullies to ourselves?
Rachel: Yes. So a boundary bully is someone or yourself, um, when they try to overstep the standards, the boundaries, the parameters that you've [00:26:00] already established.
And that can be someone else, or as I said before, that can be yourself. And the example that I give in the book is of writing the book. And telling my family, Hey, I'm going on this writing retreat, don't bother me. And they did their part. They didn't bother me and I found myself trying to make excuses to go spend time with them or to do things, you know, take away from what I wanted to do to be there for them.
That's me being the boundary bully. This shows up when someone calls you and says, Hey Gabby, um, can you come over today and help me paint a room? And you look at your calendar and today was the day that you were gonna work on your book, or you were gonna put the finishing touches on a sales page, or you were gonna go out on some job interview, right?
Like today was the day that you were gonna do something for yourself. And you say, you know what? Rage. [00:27:00] I'll be there. What time do you need me to come? And in your mind you start negotiating with yourself. Well, I can work on this later. I can reschedule that. She really needs me. I really want to make sure that my friend feels supported.
Whatever. I don't want her to be mad at me. And you start making all these concessions. You are the boundary bully. Or when you say, I'll start my diet on Monday, and then Monday comes and you start negotiating with yourself and letting yourself off the hook, stop letting yourself off the hook. Yeah.
Because every time you bend, breach or break your boundary, you are sending a signal to your unconscious mind that you are not worthy, that you are not a finisher, that there's something wrong with you, that you can't be trusted. And if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust? So you've got to start keeping your words to yourself and, and put those boundaries set and honor the boundaries.[00:28:00]
Mm-hmm.
Gabi: Yeah. It's so true. Like, Understanding your worth and being your own boundary bully. Your example actually hit home really, really good for me cuz I have two little kids and they're like everything to me. Um, and how many times have I done the thing like run out to get donuts for them? Like you almost did but you didn't run out to get donuts for them because all it, it will just make me feel so happy and they'll smile and I realize later.
I totally burned that time that I had set aside for myself and they were actually gonna be okay. Like this didn't change anyone's life except for mine. I'm the one that messed up myself. Um, and how often we do that and it like, I. Postpones or delays goals or dreams and all these things, which you're such a dreamer.
You talk about dreams so much. So let's talk about that a little bit more. As far as like pursuing your dreams. What does pursuing your dream and actually working towards your dream have to do with [00:29:00] permission to offend?
Rachel: Oh gosh, if, if anybody's watching on YouTube, you just saw my face make all kinds of different, like, ugh, pursuing your dreams.
Gosh, that feels. I think that feels a little heavier for me than I probably want to admit, but I will for the sake of our conversation, because I am currently in a season of reevaluating my dreams. Hmm. And I don't think that we encourage that enough. I think it's more like you have a dream. Pick your dream and and just go towards it.
And, and never give up on your dreams. Never give up. Listen, some dreams you have to give up. Like, hmm. I am four 11. I'm not gonna play W N B A. I don't even think that W N B A is a thing anymore, right? So if, if that was my dream, it's time to let that dream go and reevaluate and pursue another dream. So why giving yourself permission to offend is so important is because giving up on a dream will be offensive [00:30:00] to some people.
Having a dream will be offensive. I think about those. Uh, kids whose parents are like, you have to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a rocket scientist. There's, you know, one of those like fancy titles. Mm-hmm. And that's their dream. That's not yours. And maybe it was even your dream for a time. Mm-hmm. But you've discovered you wanna be a baker or an artist or a subway sandwich.
Artist maker, whatever, you know, like my oldest daughter, she's 14, but she wants to work at an ice cream shop or at a Starbucks. She wants to be a barista. Of course me. I'm like, you mean you wanna own a Starbucks franchise or a Baskin Robbins franchise? Like, is that what you mean? And she's like, no, I just wanna work there.
And I'm like, so you wanna own it? You know, cuz my dream is that she would be entrepreneurial, that she would be the owner, that she would have all this financial, whatever her dream is, I [00:31:00] just wanna scoop. I don't want no responsibility, I just wanna live my life. Chill. So I said to her, I said, baby, That's totally fine.
If you don't wanna go to college, if you wanna be an ice cream scooper, if you wanna be a coffee uh barista, then you are within your right. But if you wanna live the lifestyle that daddy and I have created for you, cuz we're not taking care of you forever, you are gonna have to learn how to get really good with money.
You're gonna have to learn how to take what you earn and make it work for you and put it in investments so that you have livable wages. And she goes, that makes me feel so much better. I'm going to get very good with money. Mommy. Oh, and that said, her free. Wow. Her mother have to. Kill all the dreams that I had for her, cuz she's her own person.
Mm-hmm. [00:32:00] And I had to give her the permission to offend me in what my vision for her future would be.
Gabi: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Rachel: So you know, that's where the permission to offend comes in. Reevaluate your dreams, figure out what you thought you wanted and what you really want. And why did you want those things and why don't you want them anymore?
Gabi: Yeah. And also give yourself permission to admit like, I don't want those anymore. Mm-hmm. I, I don't think people talk about this enough, like I've written about this in the past of how dreams can be for a season. Yeah. Where you think like your dream is for life. So if it just happens for a season and then you realize this is what I wanna do anymore, you kind of feel guilty, you feel bad, but.
The season of that dream was there for a reason. It gave you skills, it gave you opportunities, experiences to uplevel you to whatever your next dream is or pivot you to whatever your next dream is. So not to get so attached to like [00:33:00] what the dream. Is as to, like you're saying, staying true to your own values and beliefs, whatever those are in the season that you're in.
I just absolutely love that. And I love, I love that your daughter was like, ah, like it just made her feel better. She's like, I can do that. Yeah. I can get better with my money. Yeah. And who knows what her dreams might grow into or change into. Yeah. She'll be an amazing barista, though, I'm sure of it.
Rachel: I bet she's very creative, so I think that she's gonna be the one that like draws the little kitty cats and, oh, totally.
Fantastic artist. So I have no doubt she'll be successful regardless. I love it. And the good, her mom is an entrepreneur, so I'm, I'm over, you know, she draws and paints and I'm like, do you want me to help you sell these on the internet? Like, should we get an Etsy shop starter here? And she's like, mom, I like to paint for myself.
Okay, but if you ever wanna make money, she's like, I'm good. One day. Hopefully she [00:34:00] will, and then I'll be helpful. If she doesn't, then I have a bunch of beautiful collectible pieces, so
Gabi: Perfect. Always worthwhile. I have a lot of those too. Just up on my fridge, right over there. Well, you are amazing. It's so wonderful talking with you.
I'm sure I could talk to you about this book all day, cuz it's like so rich everyone. Go get a copy of the book, permission to Offend. Also leave a review please on Amazon. Um, those are really important for visibility and all of the things, so go and do that. Um, but Rachel, is there anything else that you would like to share with the audience that, um, you feel like is really important before we go?
Rachel: Oh man. I, I would say, you know, examine, we talk about this in chapter one, which we didn't get to chat about today, the framework for freedom. Mm-hmm. But really pay attention to the stories that you're telling yourself about, uh, Your like lived experiences because that will make a [00:35:00] difference. Separating the story that you tell yourself from the facts of what actually happened is the quickest way to set yourself free so that you can start giving yourself permission to offend.
And I hope that you'll definitely get the book, do the work. The audiobook is fantastic if I say so myself and I do. And, um, if you are a Spanish speaker, it's also available in Spanish.
Gabi: It's so awesome just to mention the framework for freedom. I did work through it and I have to tell you, it was, it was so helpful.
Um, I, I worked through it regarding my daughter's tantrums and what those meant to me. Yeah. Because I realized like that's a really big thing for me is like how I feel about who I am, um, based on those. So thank you for that. Just a little teaser for all of you guys. Like it's very applicable and it really does work, so thank you for that.
Um, and
Rachel: Gabi, sorry. Ahead. Interrupt you, but it's also [00:36:00] fantastic for couples. So I had a reader share with me the other day that she and her husband were having some sort of an argument and she said, I told him to go read your book. And he reads personal development. So he gets the audio book, he finishes it.
He left a great review on Amazon actually talking about how. It helped them. And I've had so many people say to me that my work hasn't just helped them personally or in their business, but it's also helped in their relationships. Mm-hmm. Familial and in partnerships. So for that alone, it's worth a read.
Gabi: Yeah. That is so cool. I love it. Well, thank you so much. I will include all your links and everything in the show notes. Guys, go make sure you get connected with Rachel. Is Instagram your favorite place to connect the people?
Rachel: Instagram is my favorite place. And since you're already listening to a podcast, definitely consider checking out my podcast, permission to offend.
And if you're watching on YouTube, we are actually gonna be doing a video podcast, so awesome. [00:37:00] Subscribe to my channel at Girl Confident.
Gabi: Yay. So go check out the links, guys. They're in the show notes and get connected with Rachel, get her book. It's amazing. Thank you again for being here today. It's been so much fun.
Rachel: Thank you, Gabby. I appreciate you. Bye.