In the dark stillness of early morning, I fell to my knees and asked Jesus to take over my life once again. I asked Him into my heart at the age of 3, but somehow my heart leaks, and though He saved me then, I still need Him to come and rescue me every day. I need Him for all of it. I need Him to take over so I can love and serve my husband and my kids well. I need His life in me in order to be a faithful friend and in order to live a life worthy of my calling, for isn't it by Him that I am even called (see Ephesians 4:1)?
I sincerely cannot do any of this on my own. I’m achingly aware of my weakness. I need Jesus to see my broken bits and come fill those very places with His larger-than-life GRACE. I need Him. I need Him so much. I don't want my life. I want to lay it down and pour it out so He can pick it up and do with it whatever He wills. I do...I really do...
I want to look upward and reach outward and let Him do whatever He will however He will. I want to live cruciform (thank you for giving me the word for this, Ann Voskamp). I want to preach and incarnate the gospel with my life, to my own family and then to this broken, hurting world.
But…if the gospel is not real within me, how in the world am I supposed to make it real outside of me?
Oh flesh, be crucified, be laid to rest in the tomb, just like Jesus was.
Ah, but Jesus, oh sweet Jesus, thank You that this is not the end of the story. How can I ever respond with enough joy to express that that was not the end of Your story? Oh Jesus, no, you didn’t stop at the tomb…you went into the depths of the eternal grave for me, you literally fought through hell to set me free. And you won. Jesus, you won it all!
And what was your prize, why did you do it? Jesus, my heart skips a beat and I lose my breath as You whisper to me… “I did it for you, Love. I did it for YOU.”
How I could be considered a prize so valued that you would give it all is beyond my understanding. I feel too small to contain it. I feel too broken to accept it. But here You are in all of your victorious, conquering, resurrected LIFE telling me to receive this gift. I have no words...
Worthy God, You are worthy. Jesus, You are truly worth it all. I just want You. After all You have done for me, I must respond with, “Take my life. It’s Yours, oh Lord, it is yours.”
Jesus. Thank You. Thank You for it all.
Now here I am. Set my heart ablaze. You are all I want.
He is risen indeed…