I'm Not Good Enough: Why Christians Need a Savior, Too
I just wanted to write a quick little blog about a Scripture that kinda just kicked me in the gut. Here it is:
“You are busy analyzing the Scriptures, frantically poring over them in hopes of gaining eternal life. Everything you read points to me, yet you still refuse to come to me so I can give you the life you’re looking for – eternal life!” John 5:39, The Passion Translation
These are the words of Jesus to the Jewish religious leaders of the day. They were refusing to believe in Him as the Son of God, to embrace Him as their Savior.
But wait – I believe in Jesus, so why did this kick me in the gut? Well honestly, I know for a fact that there is some Pharisee in me…a part of me that wants to perform and to measure up and to be full of head knowledge about the Scriptures and try to live accordingly. I mean, isn’t that what makes me a good Christian?
But man, I have been realizing more than ever that simply knowing (or even knowing AND doing) the “right things” according to Scripture IS NOT GOING TO SAVE ME. In fact, I think for those of us who have grown up in the church, who think we are “good” because we don’t swear or get drunk or have sex outside of marriage, etc. etc. – I think we are in a serious danger zone. Why? Because we, like those religious leaders of Jesus’s day, think that we are made good by what we do. We may not say it out loud, but we are so “good” that we think we don’t need saving! Yes, we can say that Jesus is our Savior, that He’s forgiven our sins, and that we have given our hearts to Him. But are we truly trusting in HIM as our salvation, or have we simply been trusting our own good behavior??
Well, let me tell you that God longs to see you worshiping Him and only Him – because that is what is best for you! So, my fellow sweet lifelong churchgoers, you might want to brace yourselves for a season of humbling.
A season when you lose your sh*t.
A season when you literally cannot deal.
A season when you are absolutely not strong enough to handle your situation without a Savior.
A season when you come face to face with the darkest corners of your heart.
A season when you realize you are just as broken deep down as all those “lost souls” out there.
If you’re in that season now, or if you walk into that season in the future, I’m going to ask you to do something very counterintuitive: REJOICE. Rejoice.
And again I say, REJOICE! (See what I did there all you sweet people who were in Sunday School in the ‘90s?)
TRUST ME – you will not FEEL like rejoicing. You will FEEL like hiding in a hole. You’ll feel like you’re dying on the inside. Because all this time you’ve been living in a false sense of security held up by your morality and your good deeds. But when the crap hits the fan (clearly I am being REAL real today) and your eyes are opened to your brokenness and you have this realization that your “goodness” is not good enough, YOU FINALLY HAVE THE CHANCE TO REALLY KNOW JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR. Either that, or you will lose yourself in shame, the deceptive shame that you have “failed” as a Christian, that you are not as “good” as you thought you were. Ashamed that you could be so broken when you have followed the rules this whole time. But oh friend, this is a GIFT. A huge, beautiful, magnificent GIFT. It’s in this very season that God is letting you know that you can let go. You can fall into the embrace of your Savior and let Him be what He is – the One who saves you. The One whose righteousness is enough for you.
He never asked you to earn your redemption. In fact, He chose to pay the massive price for your redemption before you were even born. Because HE is enough.
JESUS IS ENOUGH.
He is the One who is our salvation. He is the One who is our LIFE. Can you rest in Him now?
I’ve been pretty quiet on my blog, social media, etc. recently because I have been wading through the dregs of the brokenness inside of me, facing the harsh realities of current and past traumas and seeing my weaknesses and broken places brought to the light. And there have been moments when I have grieved because I felt like I failed, like after all these years of being a good girl, being a Christian writer and leader and mentor, that I was actually worthless.
But it’s here that I’ve had Jesus showing me the TRUTH. The truth that who I am is enough. That being His is enough. That even if all I do in a day is wake up and brush my teeth and sit on a chair, His Love is gushing like an endless waterfall all over me. It’s not about me or what I’ve done or what I’m going to do. IT NEVER HAS BEEN. It’s. About. HIM.
HE is my life. He is my hope. He is my value. He is my purpose. He is my joy. He is everything that means anything. In Him I can rest. His righteousness covers me. His mercy surrounds me. His Love overflows me. His grace empowers me. His Life awakens me.
For me, this season has involved immense surrender – surrender of every idea I had about my life, about my family, about myself. Surrender of my pride and my accomplishments and of my drive to be successful and perfect. Surrender can feel like death sometimes, but oh isn’t that the Gospel? There must be dying before there is resurrection.
And so, I am thankful. It’s about Jesus. It’s always been about Jesus. I don’t have to prove anything anymore. Because I have everything in Him.