This is it. I’m undone.
Coming to this place of being swept up in the most amazing Love, swimming in an ocean of it after these years of desert walking, this past year of darkness and breaking.
Oh how can it be?
This is the singularity. This intimate Loving that comes from the very heart of Christ straight… onto… me… oh, the breathlessness of this moment leaves me gasping, for suddenly, I understand.
Jesus Loves me.
Little me. Just one person, so insignificant and small. I’ve questioned and I’ve worried and I’ve striven until my hands and heart are utterly weary from the strain of it all. Little Lucy I’ve always been, looking and finding Him everywhere I can, but somehow I thought, if I don’t do this right, if I don’t measure up…I shouldn’t go looking for Him.
For I didn’t want to see the disappointment on His face.
I didn’t want to risk losing His favor.
So I’d fight and I’d get on my knees and I’d serve ‘til I was black and blue, just so I could return to the forest and glance at His face without shame.
But shame, oh it chased me down and – gosh now I see it – it wore the awful ugly face of the enemy himself, convincing me of my unworthiness and strangling me with my own insufficiency.
The conniving grew more cunning as the days wore on and my faith grew stronger, for he saw that I was winning, he saw that I knew the call, so he warped my relationships and there…
Oh there the lies rained down on my head, the deceptive lies that seeped right into my heart, lies that said these pieces of me that were woven with delicate beauty by my King - they were ugly and weak and worthless and needed to be hidden away.
And so I hid them and I cried and I wondered how I could be subject to such bondage to these little things that I thought were beautiful and strong, but that the lies had convinced me were ugly and weak.
When you hear those words enough times…
When you are subject to their disdain for too long…
They can destroy and warp and alter until you cannot even decipher between right and wrong anymore. They battered me until I even had to sit at the feet of Jesus and ask, “Am I all wrong?”
But no. NO. Oh no.
My Deliverer has come, and with tears and fire in His eyes He is fighting for me with His Love…this Love that has always been there, that has always been around me, that has always been chasing me. I was just too captive, too hurt, too blind to see.
But He couldn’t leave me in that place. He wouldn’t leave me there. With the battle cry of a Warrior King, with the heart of a valiant Lover, He chased down the darkness, He cut through all of the brush and vines of despair, He pierced the heart of darkness, and He screamed at the swarming lies with their minion fears – screamed at them to RUN, for He had come to save me. Because He Loves Me.
This singularity. He. Loves. Me.
And the delicate beautiful woven within, the parts that I’d rejected because of the lies, the places that had been blackened by deception, oh with the tears from His eyes He is washing them and whispering to me, “This is how I made you. Baby girl, this is beautiful. This is strong. This is needed. This is from me…
And I am wrapped up in His Love, taken away by my beloved and being lavished with gifts that I cannot describe. Miracle gifts given straight from the hand of the Lover of my soul. Only He could have known my great ache for these specific things...my great longing to experience His Love like this.
But He knew.
And He’s restoring my soul, my hope, my joy, my expectation, my strength, my passion, my tenderness, my excitement, my compassion, my kindness, my humility, my selflessness, my trust, my strength, my vision, my purpose, my desires, my love, and my destiny with this breathless revelation of His Love.
How good You are, God! How extravagant and how beautiful! To know as You run for me and scoop me up from the battlefields, as you tend to my wounds and tell me my value, you see the fire in my eyes and you know…you know…that all the while I’ve been running for You, too. I’ve been running for You, too. Even when I wanted to hide…I knew I couldn’t hide from You.
For You, too, are my Singularity.
The only One who has always been and always will be there. The One my passion has burned for through all these years. The One whose grace has even enabled me to keep my faith when the enemy has tried everything – everything – to get me to say, “I don’t believe anymore.”
But I believe. And I am chasing You. And I’ll take the black and blue a million more times for the sake of Your Love, for the sake of Your Kingdom, for the sake of Your people, for the sake of this calling. For You are worthy.
Worthy is the Lamb. Worthy is the Lamb. Worthy is the Lamb.
And oh, at the end of my life, my Jesus, my Love, find me running so hard that when I get to those gates of heaven the only thing that can stop me will be falling straight into Your arms.
That instant will be everything. In that instant it will all make sense. And I know I will say – It was worth it. You were worth it. This was worth it all.
Oh, how He Loves us. How He Loves us so.
The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6, ESV
Yet hope returns when I remember this one thing: The Lord's unfailing love and mercy still continue, Fresh as the morning, as sure as the sunrise. The Lord is all I have, and so in him I put my hope. Lamentations 3:21-24, GNT
So, what does all this mean? If God has determined to stand with us, tell me, who then could ever stand against us? For God has proved his love by giving us his greatest treasure, the gift of his Son. And since God freely offered him up as the sacrifice for us all, he certainly won’t withhold from us anything else he has to give.
Who then would dare to accuse those whom God has chosen in love to be his? God himself is the judge who has issued his final verdict over them—“Not guilty!”
Who then is left to condemn us? Certainly not Jesus, the Anointed One! For he gave his life for us, and even more than that, he has conquered death and is now risen, exalted, and enthroned by God at his right hand. So how could he possibly condemn us since he is continually praying for our triumph?
Who could ever separate us from the endless love of God’s Anointed One? Absolutely no one! For nothing in the universe has the power to diminish his love toward us. Troubles, pressures, and problems are unable to come between us and heaven’s love. What about persecutions, deprivations, dangers, and death threats? No, for they are all impotent to hinder omnipotent love. Romans 8:31-35, TPT
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