It’s been a journey.
A wild, crazy, unexpected, and treacherous journey.
Over two years ago I started to map out my book, The Footsteps of a Dreamer. Dreaming is what had always kept my heart alive. It was what kept me going even in the seasons and the days that I didn’t understand.
But something started to happen – the people in my life who I had also always known as dreamers began to give up. There was something going on in my generation, a deep discouragement that was drowning the hearts of these dreamers, which was also drowning their dreams.
And I grieved. I didn’t always understand why I grieved…I think just somehow deep down I knew that the enemy was having a heyday with the dreamers in my generation. I think he knew – he knows – what a threat the dreams of this generation are to him and his schemes. He knows that these dreams are bringing us closer and closer to fulfilling the Great Commission, to bringing “Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven”, Kingdom in all its facets of truth, beauty, compassion, power, creativity, courage, and victory.
I couldn’t stand to see these gifted and called dreamers give up anymore, because even the very nature of this attack on my generation said to me – we’ve got something of God within us that needs to be brought forth. And so the idea for this book was born. I wanted to do whatever I could to ensure that dreamers in my world would not opt out; I wanted to equip them to keep going when things got tough and to lend courage and hope to their journeys.
What I didn’t know was that there was more stuff I had to walk out myself in order to learn what this looked like in real life. Yes, I had been through some tough things, even some things that had felt like the death of a dream. But in a lot of ways, I was still naïve, thinking I had figured out how to go through difficult times without quitting on what God had called me to do.
I actually finished my manuscript that first year and thought it was ready. I thought the book was pretty much done. And then my world fell apart.
So much of what happened I actually can’t share here. So much of it has been stuff I’ve had to fight through and cry through and grieve in private. Some of it I have been able to share publicly – the pain of transition and disappointment, of dark nights of the soul and never feeling like enough – and I did my best to be open and vulnerable about walking through these things, hoping to encourage you while I faced them myself. These two aspects of what I walked through – the parts that I’ve had to keep private and the parts I have shared openly – comprised my reality. And somehow in this messy reality I was unable to touch the manuscript I had written before everything fell apart. If I touched it, I thought the pain of it would break me. Why? Because I knew I was on the brink of becoming that giving-up-dreamer..Read More