S2E16: A Therapist's Remarkable Journey of Healing from Trauma, Learning to Trust, and Embracing Her True Identity - Tasha Hunter
On this episode of Pain to Passion Live, I have a very special guest: Tasha Hunter…
a licensed clinical social worker, therapist, survivor, writer, speaker, and a fierce advocate for child abuse survivors and those who have struggled with thoughts of ending their lives.
In this episode, Tasha shares some of her incredible journey of self-discovery and healing. She opens up about her struggles and how she found her true calling in becoming a therapist. Tasha reveals the pivotal moment when a therapist told her, "There's nothing wrong with you; it's trauma," and how this simple statement changed her life forever.
Through raw vulnerability, Tasha takes us on a profound exploration of her childhood experiences, trauma, and the lasting impact it had on her ability to trust others and speak her truth. She shares how therapy became her safe space and a catalyst for her transformation.
Join us as Tasha reflects on the power of healing, the strength of the human spirit, and the beauty of showing up for others in their pain. We learn that the journey to self-discovery is ongoing, and even though Tasha has come a long way, she candidly shares that there are still parts of her that are still in the process of learning to trust others and know herself.
This episode will resonate deeply with anyone who has faced trauma or struggled to find their voice. Tasha's story reminds us of the importance of compassion, connection, and the profound healing power of therapy.
More about Tasha:
Speaker, author, therapist, and host of the When We Speak podcast.
I believe healing comes when we have people in our lives who hold space for us, allow us to show vulnerability, offer hope, and encouragement. I believe that we can manage almost anything if we have people in our lives to walk with us through the insurmountable circumstances that come our way. I believe many of the world’s problems exist because of relationship and communication failures. I believe that healing cannot happen without fully acknowledging what hurts, who hurt us, and how it’s impacted our lives. I believe that we should all find our voice and live in our own truth—whatever that might be.
Connect with Tasha:
Instagram - @tashahunterlcsw
Website - tashahunterlcsw.com
Book - What Children Remember Podcast - When We Speak
Connect with Gabi:
Book your FREE 30-minute connection call with Gabi to see if the Pain to Passion coaching program is a good fit for you!: CLICK HERE
FREE Soul Care Journal Download: https://www.gabiruth.com/scjd
Instagram - @gabiruth
TikTok - @gabiruth84
Facebook - facebook.com/gabiruth84
Website - gabiruth.com
Coach with Gabi - gabiruth.com/book-a-1on1-call
Invite Gabi to Speak - gabiruth.com/speaking
(TRANSCRIPT) S2E16: A Therapist’s Remarkable Journey of Healing from Trauma, Learning to Trust, and Embracing Her True Identity - Tasha Hunter
Note: Transcript is created by AI. Please excuse any errors.
Gabi: [00:00:00] Hello, beautiful people. Welcome back to pain to passion live. I seriously am like jumping out of my skin. I'm so happy because of this beautiful soul that I get to chat with today. I have just been so blessed with the people that I've been able to interact with and I discovered Tasha Hunter on Instagram a while ago.
It's been a couple years at least. And she puts out some of the most amazing, wise, vulnerable, authentic content. You all need to go follow her. Make sure you check out the show notes, go follow her on Instagram. Um, but I've appreciated her voice so much. And so I'm very, very honored and thrilled that she agreed to come on the podcast.
So thank you, Tasha, for being here today.
Tasha: It is my absolute honor to be with you and your listeners.
Gabi: Thank you. Well, [00:01:00] I love to just allow my guests to introduce themselves and tell us what you really would like us to know about who Tasha is and what she's about.
Tasha: Oh, what is Tasha? Who is Tasha? I am, I guess it's always easier to start with the professional stuff, but I'm, I'm a licensed clinical social worker therapist.
Um, supervisor, consultant, writer, speaker, fierce child, child abuse advocate, um, and advocate for people who are, um, who have ever thought that, you know, maybe they wanted to end their lives. Um, I am an advocate for psychedelic assisted medicine or, uh, sacred earth medicine. Um, I'm an intellectual, a lover, a thinker, a dreamer.[00:02:00]
And even that word dream, it makes me think, I don't know who my ancestors were, but I've got a, just something in my spirit just really connects with the fact that I believe that I am their greatest, like more than they could ever even dream for themselves. Like I am. Living embodiment of their dreams.
And I often feel their energy, like carrying me, speaking through me.
Gabi: So I just got chills like all over. That was amazing. I absolutely resonate with that. I think that is true. For sure. Yeah, well, my curiosity starts right now with how you got into being a therapist and a social worker, what drew you into that space.[00:03:00]
Tasha: Um, so, at a certain point in my 30s. I started going to therapy. Actually, let me back up. I was working for the military and I was very unfulfilled in the job. I was working as a patient safety director. So my job consisted of working with the medical group, uh, and addressing medical errors, harm, misdiagnosis, wrong site surgeries, and all the things that can happen as well as Suicides and attempted suicides.
And so, but it was, it was work that was behind the desk instead of work with the people who were impacted. Yeah. And so along with that, I, I had my own office and people all, I had a [00:04:00] lot of friends, a lot of coworkers, and we would all like get together. My office was like the social area. And people would often say, Tasha, like, Okay.
You're, you're my therapist and they would come and talk and I had coworkers who would make a routine out of just coming every day to visit me and talk about their stuff. Wow. And there was this one moment, this, that this person that I was really close with at the time, she'd come in my office and she spent eight hours in my office, meaning she did not leave.
Going through some difficulties and she didn't leave. And around the same time, I was feeling the need to go to therapy. I'd never been to therapy before, so. Wow. So I started going to therapy and I'm, I said to my therapist, I understood that in that moment that one, I didn't feel empowered to tell the person, [00:05:00] girl, you got to go to work, like get out of mom.
And there was something that was keeping me from having, from even like, I didn't even know what boundaries were. Well, like, what is that? Yeah. And I was a woman desperately searching for love and fearing rejection, fearing abandonment. And just really had difficulty in telling people or asking people for what I needed.
And my therapist said, girl, you do my job, but you do it for free. She said, you need to get you some boundaries. But that conversation morphed into, have you thought about being a therapist? Because you're a great listener. You're great at holding space for people. Have you thought about it? And I said, a lot of people tell me that I'm really good.
I mean, my, my family, the people [00:06:00] that like knew me, um, the most would say, you need to go back to school and be a therapist. Like I heard that all the time. So what this therapist said was just really confirming that. And then I decided. Well, what better way to. To do something that I'm naturally great at. I believe it's my gift.
Um, and also my honor. Sit with other people in their pain. Yeah. Not many people can do that and do it well. So true. And Gabby, I wanted to understand me. Why am I like this? Like what I knew about my trauma, but But, but why do I do the things that I do? And there was this point, I really want to shout out this therapist, but I won't, I won't say their name because I'm only looking them up.
But, but she said, I want you to write, write down, just, just get some paper. She had [00:07:00] this legal thing. She said, I want you to get some paper. And write down every person that you have a relationship with, every person that you call a friend. And she said, and as you write it down, and I had a long list because I know a lot of people, I love a lot of people and I make friends pretty easily.
So this was a very long list. Um, and she said, what would happen if you tell that person now
or each person, you know, what would happen if you, if you just said no. And I said they would leave, they would quit talking to me.
And she said. If they're only in your life to dump on you, to dump all of their issues, then they're not a friend. Wow.
And [00:08:00] so, anyhow, that was my path into therapy and also my path to healing my own wounds, my fears of what if people leave? Yeah. What if they quit talking to me? What if I can't show up for them? What if I can't give them the things that I've always given them? That was my path.
Gabi: So powerful. And I told you before we got on that I've been reading your book. So hearing like this side of the story is so fascinating to me. So for those of you who are watching the video, here's Tasha's book, what children remember, it's stunning. She has such a gift with words, but it's one of the most vulnerable pieces of work that you will ever read.
Um, but as you're talking here, I'm like picturing the miniature [00:09:00] version of you. And how she must have been showing up like in those friendships and as you go to school to become a therapist and all of that, um, you said you were trying, you knew about your trauma, but you're trying to figure out why you do the things that you do.
Tasha: Yeah.
Gabi: So I'd love to hear like what you discovered about why you did the things that you did, and how that related to your story.
Tasha: Yes. So, so going back, um, I'm in therapy and this therapist was just such, he's such a beautiful human. So beautiful. And, um, I said, you know, I said, I, I can fight for other people.
I can speak up for other people, but when it comes to me, it's [00:10:00] like the words get stuck right here. I, at this time, again, I'm in my thirties. I'm not yet a therapist. Um, and I said, I just have such difficulty fighting for myself
and person after person after person. It felt like a revolving door. If a neighbor was in a domestic violence dispute, I'm the person that's going over and helping and saying, come, come pack, pack a bag, come stay with me. You'll be safe. You'll be okay. If a person needed help paying their bills, I'm They needed some money.
I've given away free, a free vehicle before didn't charge any just, hey, I got a vehicle that has paid off. You take it. You need it more than I do. Wow. [00:11:00] Um, kept countless kids for people babysitting, never charged, never was offered anything. I
just gave everything
until I didn't even have anything for myself. And like I said, I was the woman that everybody would come and talk to me and I mean, I'm pretty fun. Anybody
wanted a little bit of Tasha, you know, and, and for little girl Tasha that just needed love that, you know, that just wanted to be seen, heard and understood. That to me felt like love. Oh, you want me, you want me to help you want. Yeah. You want to talk to me. Yeah. But through the [00:12:00] process, when I asked him the question, like what is wrong with me, nothing, nothing is the answer.
My therapist at the time, she said, there's nothing wrong with you. The reason why you do the things you do the reason why you feel the way you feel. It's trauma. Yeah. It's all trauma. There's nothing wrong with you. The reason why you show up in relationships the way you do, because in each relationship I was giving so much and not, but then I also wasn't getting anything.
And I didn't trust other people to even like be there for me. So I kept a lot of things inside of my, well, they've got enough to deal with. They don't want to hear from me or what they got enough to deal with. How are they going to help me with my stuff? They don't even know what they're doing with their own.
You're like, how are they going to help me? So, but she [00:13:00] said to me, she said, everything that you go through, everything that you do, you're doing the things and viewing the people and viewing the experiences. From a lens of trauma. And she said, it's like, you've got these trauma colored glasses on.
Everything is filtered through the, do you love me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to be there for me? Am I going to disappoint you? Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? It was like this constant mood. Yeah. But it was the first time that anybody had ever said to me, it's trauma. Being in the military, being a veteran, being a military spouse, a military contractor.
I've had every role in the military, by the way. Yeah. And so working in that environment, wait, ADHD, I [00:14:00] just forgot where I was going with that. Hold on a minute.
Gabi: I've got it too. So I get it
Tasha: for me to name that. But, but, okay, so I got it. So, so, so being in this military. Environment. Well, I heard about trauma all the time and PTSD, every military member.
Yeah. But outside of that, my work, I never thought that, that I too had PTSD. Right. Just her naming changed my life. Wow. Like the power of someone who doesn't know you, the power of And then listening to you, sitting with your pain, saying, it's not you, it's the trauma. [00:15:00] There's nothing inherently wrong with you.
Oh, it's the trauma. Okay. All right. We can deal with that. And then through therapy, and I don't remember if it was that therapist or my current therapist, I've only had two and they, they're both amazing. But one of them at some point saying. Before, when you went through the painful experiences, you were alone.
You didn't have anybody to protect you. You didn't have anybody that you could trust. You didn't have a safe space. Now I'm your safe space and you don't have to go through anything else alone. I'm right here with you. I'm going to sit right here with you. No matter what [00:16:00] you're feeling, no matter what's happening, you don't have to do it alone.
You've got support. What a beautiful way
to just. Really change somebody's life like this offering that you're going to be with me in my pain. You can hold my pain.
And I knew then I just, I just knew that is what I want to do for other people. But I want my time and I want my work to be respected. But that is how I want to show up for other people.
Gabi: I was like on the verge of tears for most of that, because I think really so many of us can feel into [00:17:00] this experience, all of us have different stories, but just that feeling of like if I don't give and give and give. Am I worth anything? Does anybody like me? If I stop doing this, do I have any value? Not really understanding inherently like you are good, you are lovable just because you're you.
Like it takes us So many of us so long to even start to figure that out. And as you're talking again, because I'm reading your book, the story of when you tried to get help, like you ran across the street or something knocked on a military man's door. And said, listen, I'm getting beat up at home, like,
Tasha: help me help, please help
Gabi: you, you try to use your voice.
So when you said you're like your, your words just kept getting stuck right here in your neck, in your throat. It makes so much sense. [00:18:00] Because you try to use your voice. He does. He's like, no, and it gets worse. He comes and knocks on the door and tells your abuser what you said and just makes everything worse.
Of course, you're going to be afraid to speak up like. It's amazing to me that that little girl is this woman sitting here today, it's phenomenal and just shows the power of your spirit to you have such a powerful spirit and you've made choices to become this incredible helper that you are, but how long did it take for you to really believe that people were going to be able to hold space for you and show up for you like that.
Tasha: Oh, Gabby, I have that question gives me chills, actually. Um, because it's the question is asking me to tell the truth. [00:19:00] And the truth is that that is still parts of me that don't trust that people will be there. That's still a part of me. It's still something that that I wonder in my relationships. Like, who can hold the complexity of who I am?
Who can hold that I'm not always strong, that I don't always have the answers? Who can hold that sometimes I'm really quiet, really, um, introspective, I can go inside myself and I, and I need silence and quiet time and, and, and who is going to be offended by that or hurt because I didn't reach out or they've not talked to me in a few days or I still wonder, I still have those questions with each.
new person in my life. Like, are they going to be here for me? And, and I just want to say that [00:20:00] like, even like you feeling emotional, I'm so comfortable with tears and I might even get teary eyed here. So I welcome and I'm very comfortable with all the tears. It's, it's again, so healing and loving for my little girl, Tasha, like somebody is, it's crying for me.
Somebody feels for me. Um, and even what you said about like going to the neighbor. In the moments when I tried to speak up, oftentimes we're not aware of when or how our voices were taken from us. So my work as a therapist is really connecting my clients to when were the moments of, you know, that, that your voice was stripped from you.
Yeah, we don't always know that, right? And so we have to kind of go back in time and see what was it like, what, how were you treated when you tried to tell the truth? [00:21:00] How were you treated when you tried to express real genuine emotion? How were you treated when you maybe set a boundary or told someone no?
Were you punished? And for me, the majority of my childhood, 11 years of my childhood, I was punished a lot. Yeah, I was beaten a lot. I was berated a lot. And when I did tell people what was happening.
Again, I was punished or I was ignored or people would make excuses for the abuser
11 years of that 20 years of that on on and on. What it taught me is that my truth is not safe that [00:22:00] nobody really wants to know how I'm doing. Nobody really wants to know. The truth of me and years of that, again, going back to childhood, I learned to silence myself and it wasn't until in my thirties, it was.
Literally therapy that changed my life. Yeah. I, um, I was always very afraid, afraid of being disrespectful, afraid of people's reactions. A young black queer woman, not, not really certain about my queerness, just kind of questioning. Also, I identified as a Christian for a very long time. So I have lots of reasons to [00:23:00] fear being myself.
And so little bit by little bit, through therapy, peeling back the layers. Of what's true for me, what's, what's real for me and who and what is true in my life
years,
years of grief that I didn't know that I would survive. Yeah. Like I just didn't, I wasn't sure that I could make it on the other side. And every day that I am, that I wake up every day that I am here and I get to meet people. beautiful humans like yourself. It's like, so glad I'm here. I'm so glad that I went through all of those years of really intense [00:24:00] PTSD, panic attacks, the nightmares, all of the gastric, gastrointestinal issues, um, all of the things, all of the depression, the loneliness.
To make it here every day is a gift.
Gabi: So, so powerful. Like that, that's what this show is all about. You're such an embodiment of that message because what you went through was never okay. And I wish that we could just. Start it over and make it all not happen and you can have a beautiful life and yet you're here saying every day now is a gift and a part of that is you've had all of these horrible experiences.[00:25:00]
You learn to have compassion for yourself and value yourself, probably at even a deeper level than if you hadn't gone through stuff, because you had to be so intentional about it. And you know how people actually feel like you remember, you know how it feels to go through X, Y, Z. Yeah. And you can sit with them in that.
And that's beautiful. And again, I'm thinking about your book because it's just like the stories are so vibrant. You kind of just like fall into them. But how you were punished even for things that were like. Just being a kid. Yeah. I was thinking about that story of when you opened the fridge to get milk and you, it was a new bottle of milk.
You open it up, you smelled it and it smelled really bad. And I was picturing my daughter, I have a seven year old. If my [00:26:00] daughter went to the fridge and grabbed the milk and smelled it, I was like, Oh mom, this smells really bad. I would probably just giggle. It's like, Oh honey, it's cause it's goat
milk.
But your parent did not respond that way at all. So for you to even be allowed to just speak truth of like the situation is that this milk smells bad. That's a literal situation.
Tasha: It is. Yes. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, Gabby. I didn't know you go right ahead. Yeah. Not being able to say the milk smells bad. Not being able to say.
I'm hungry or I'm not hungry or I'm full. I've had enough to eat or not being able to ask, may I go outside and play? May I have a friend over? [00:27:00] Mommy, can we go to the movies? Mommy, can we watch, can we watch cartoons together? Um, can I have a hug? I've never, never in my life been told I love you by my parents.
Never. I will, I will die not knowing like what that really feels like from a real place. Like, um, and I think about my daughter and I think about my granddaughters. And I just can't even imagine, like perpetuating that violence, that harm, right? Showing up in their lives in that way. Um, shout out to my daughter, Kaya, who gives the best hugs ever.
I love that. And it's like, every time she hugs me or I hug her, uh, it's like, it's healing little Tasha's [00:28:00] trauma. All the things I didn't get. During those years, all of the, I love you's that I didn't get Gabby. I have so much love in my life now. There's not a day that goes by that. I'm not told that every day somebody tells me that they love me.
And that's no exaggeration every single day. And so all of these things happen. And, and, and so for like, when I think about what I experienced and thank you for reading my book, because it reminds me of girl, I survived a lot. And so like, so when I think about that time, of course I had difficulty, um, naming my pain.
Of course I was afraid. I remember hearing Elizabeth Gilbert. I didn't hear her. I read something that she wrote. And Elizabeth wrote, I don't know if it was an [00:29:00] essay or what it was, But I remember reading where she said that she was a kid who was afraid of everything. Yeah. And, and I said, Whoa, that's exactly how I felt.
I went from a kid that was afraid of everyone and everything to an adult that was afraid of everyone and everything. How could I not be? Totally. Right. Yeah. And so now I'm, I'm soon to be, I forget sometimes how old I am. So I'm 44 years old. And I would say for the last, certainly for the last 10 years, I've really found my voice, but it started even 10 years before that it really started.
Wait a minute. It started around the age of 25, 26 years old. [00:30:00] But it took like 10 years to really like get it. Like, I can't die not having told my story. I cannot leave this earth without discovering who I was meant to be before the trauma took over. Yeah. So, so now it's this next phase of my life. This, this leg of my journey.
Is living out every day, who, who am I really, and, and what do I want for my life? And the goal, I feel like has already been met in so many ways. It's leaving a legacy of healing instead of a legacy of trauma and a pain and of destruction. Like, [00:31:00] I know that I've already, like, I've already done that. And the proof is in the pudding.
The proof is. Having a daughter that loves me, having granddaughters that give me all the kisses and love and knowing that I've got chosen family, chosen siblings, lots of friends. Um, and these are all the things that I didn't have before. And then being in a job where I get to help people to have hope and to love themselves.
So all of the trauma that was passed down to me, I am making sure that I don't pass any of that crap into anybody else. Absolutely. Like that's my [00:32:00] responsibility. That's the work. Yeah. So, yeah.
Gabi: And you tell a lot of truth now.
Tasha: I do.
Gabi: I just think it's amazing because I don't know if you always feel fearless, but you fearlessly in my viewpoint, tell the truth.
A lot like you say it like it needs to be said about so many different things, but in ways that I'm sure you get a lot of flack from random people like haters.
Tasha: No. Well, that's amazing. Oh my goodness. It's, it's such a blessing. Yeah, let's see. So I'm, I feel often say I feel like a dinosaur because I was a late adopter to social media.
I don't do a whole lot on any of the platforms. Um, I'm, I'm, uh, even though I'm, I'm [00:33:00] open, I'm also very private. Yeah. And so I came to Instagram maybe three years ago. And, um, sometimes I'm like, oh, I should have went sooner. Cause then I'd have all these followers and yeah, whatever. I joined when I was supposed to, because the people that I connect with now, like.
Yeah, I love my followers and, um, who have also, a lot of them become my, my best friends, but, but I do have a lot of fear when I write, but it's mostly like, fear, like, if I write this, will people resonate with it? Does it make sense? Um,
is my voice Sometimes I have parts that wonder is my voice even needed there's there's so millions and millions of followers or not followers but accounts [00:34:00] and people are, you know, always be like we're everybody's putting out like these inspiration things. And, and, and sometimes it can feel like I'm just, just kind of yelling out into the void, like, is anything I'm saying, like, does it matter?
Does my voice matter? And even though I'm asking myself that question, I am committed to, I just keep speaking. Because undoubtedly in my inbox or in the comments, somebody is going to say, yes, I needed this. So, yes, I agree or. And I'm like, okay, I'm not the only one because I'm, I always speak from like my experiences, right?
Yeah, it's personal for me. I'm not just, I think I'll just put this out there. No, no, no. There's a lot of thought that goes into what I put out. [00:35:00] Yeah. It's all hard. It's all love. It's all personal. And early on to your point about haters, when I first joined, I would get a few comments in my inbox or a few comments.
Um, below my post and quickly, I would delete them and then I would block them. And then if they're in my inbox, I'm going to delete. I'm going to block. Now I don't have those issues. Because once you say a thing about, you know, that, that point of view, you know, that thing you wrote about, about the queer community, you know, you need to read your Bible or any kind of stuff like that.
Anything that's in opposition to what I'm saying, like, you know, this, this is not a page that's up for debate. Yeah. [00:36:00] Like, I'm not justifying my position on anything. If you disagree, you go to your page and then you write stuff that resonates with your audience. But my community, my followers, I feel like we're a community.
It's beautiful. And so, so I write for myself and if I'm manifesting anything, it's that whatever I write that it lands with the right people that the right people will find it and be inspired. Um, and so I don't have any yeah, haters. Yeah, I don't have any. I'm really grateful.
Gabi: That's super cool. And let me just encourage you, like, in those moments when you're like, is this even going to make sense or resonate with anyone?
The answer is yes. Yes, it does. And beyond that, too, I think it challenged, I know it [00:37:00] challenges me. A lot of the things, a lot of the content that you write, it challenges me to decide, like, what do I actually think about this? And so for you to put things so clearly and to say things the way that you do helps me to even decipher, like, what do I think about this?
Which is so important, oftentimes we don't stop long enough to even consider what you think about specific issues or specific things. So when you write, I, I've saved so many of your posts, cause I'm like, I need to refer back to this and remember how she put this because it resonates with me. It helps me understand what I think, what I believe, what I'm about.
So just keep doing what you're doing because it's powerful. It's impactful.
Tasha: Oh, thank you. Thank you. You know, when, when I'm writing and I'm posting stuff,[00:38:00]
what comes to mind for me is like, there's no impartiality like in my system. I'm not impartial on topics of, of trauma, violence, abuse, neglect, human rights. There's never a, um, well, there's good people on both sides kind of thing for me. Yeah, I am pro survivors 24 7 or as Mary J Blige says in her song 25 8.
I am pro survivors. If you have survived hard things in your life, I am for you. I am never cozying up with the oppressor. I am never trying to have a rational conversation with an abuser. I am never trying to understand the [00:39:00] side of the colonizer. If someone is racist, transphobic, homophobic, misogynistic, I'm never trying to be nice And like, oh, they're, they're still good people.
That's the way they were raised. No, you can change that stuff. Yeah. You can be different. So I'm, I'm never for them, all the people that I'm never for them ever, ever, ever. I exist for survivors. So that's who I'm speaking to. That's where I want my messages to go to. I don't want abusive people, complacent people following me.
Nope. That's not who I write for.
Gabi: If this was a mic. I'd be dropping it.
Tasha: Yeah. You know, because as, so as a black queer woman, I've [00:40:00] often, I mean, more times than I can count have heard someone say, well, you know, my. My parents like they're, they're good people. It's just they, that's the way they were raised, right? They said that thing, or they did that thing because, well, that, that's just how they were raised down there where they grew up.
What
am I doing right now?
You don't get to be discriminatory. You don't get to bully people. You don't get to be demeaning to people. Because that's the way you were raised.
So, a lot of the people that would be haters don't follow me because I'm not really engaging with them. Yeah. I'm gonna speak up for myself, I'm gonna speak up for the people that they've impacted. [00:41:00] Yeah. And here's the thing, here's what I find. That when people hate, if they're hating on the messages, the things that I'm, I'm talking about, Which is, I'm always talking about trauma.
If they're hating on me because of what I write, it's typically for two reasons. And I've not found out, found myself to be wrong. It's either one because they too have been traumatized, but they're so desensitized that they're not even connecting that they didn't, they don't have their own voice for their own pain.
And that maybe at some point they became a sympathizer of the person that abused them. And when you sympathize with your abuser, it [00:42:00] strips you of your, of your voice. Yeah. It strips you of a lot of your growth and your healing and your autonomy. When you automatically have more compassion for the abuser than you have for yourself and the little one that was wounded,
then of course you're not going to connect with somebody that found their voice, that's found their healing. Wow. To the other person that may be considered a hater. Is a person who has abused, maybe still abusing, and they're really pissed off that anybody would be calling that stuff out. Yeah. How dare you speak on this.
Again, I don't live my life for them. Yeah, I know what that's all about. Yeah. [00:43:00] I feel like I've just talked so much.
Gabi: Oh, I could listen to you talk all day. So much. I mean, you, you probably don't realize it all the time, but you just like drip with wisdom and it's beautiful. Um, even like You're saying there's so many people that, oh, that's how they were raised, blah, blah.
I've heard this a lot too. And I'm thinking about, uh, do you know how Tasha was raised? So she can act like that and that would be okay with you?
Tasha: No. We don't get to use that as an excuse. Well, that's the way I was raised. Um, and I just want to mention that this has nothing to do with what we're talking about really but, but sometimes when, when my clients are like, I'm so afraid that I'll end up that I'll turn out to be like them, like them, meaning the people that they grew up with the people that hurt [00:44:00] them.
I'm so afraid that I will do the same things to my children. I'm so afraid that that I will abuse my spouse or do things to my spouse because of because of what I went through.
And I think that any of us that have gone through difficulties growing up, we have that fear. We don't want to become the monsters that we grew up in. Yeah, but here's the thing. Let me encourage anybody that's also listening that may have those questions. The fact that you're even asking that question is proof that you're not going to become the monster that abused you.
You have this level of awareness, this empathy.
That really is there to ensure that you don't become that. [00:45:00] So anything that, you know, however you're engaging with your children, however you're engaging with your partner, with your spouse, there's some voice in the back of your head saying, Oh, that sounded like my father or that sounded like my mother or that sounded like this person.
Let me not do that. Let me do things differently. Maybe I need to get some therapy. Maybe I need to read some books, maybe, you know, so, so, so you're doing your own work. You won't end up like that. You're good. You've got awareness. And that's something that the monsters don't have.
Gabi: Yes. So encouraging. So, so good.
Thank you for sharing that. I'm sure it's going to really help a lot of the people listening. So I really appreciate that.
Tasha: Yeah.
Gabi: Goodness, for real, I still have so many questions and, um, I could talk to you for a long time. [00:46:00] You're just so amazing and beautiful and my heart is overflowing. So thank you for sharing this space with us today.
Um, I appreciate it so very, very much. I would love for you to tell us before we go, like what's the best way to connect with you and also anything else on your heart that you want to share before we say goodbye.
Tasha: Um, I just want to say to all survivors that I love you that I'm sharing for you, um, that healing is not easy, but it's worth it.
It's worth it. Not just for the current version of you, but for the little one in you. Yeah. Needed to be seen that needed to be cared for. Um, and if you want to connect with. Me in any way. Um, my website, Tasha Hunter, LCSW. com. I'm on [00:47:00] Instagram, Tasha Hunter, LCSW. I'm also on threads by the same, um, account, Tasha Hunter, LCSW, where you can see some of my writing.
Um, possibly I'm also working on another book. Um, some more details to follow. So if you want to know about all upcoming things, please follow my website, subscribe to my website or on social media. Um, the next book will be poetry. It'll be, um, inspiration. I can't wait. So the kind of book that you would maybe want to give somebody like for a gift and I am calling it.
It's like my love letter to survivors.
Gabi: Oh, my heart just exploded.
Tasha: I can't wait. Thank you.
Gabi: Thank you so much. Um, again, I just appreciate you. I appreciate your voice. Thank you for everything that you're giving to this [00:48:00] world. It's beautiful. It's healing. Generations will feel the impact of what you're doing.
So thank you so much. I will be connecting with you over there on Instagram for sure. Have a wonderful day, my friend. Thank you. Bye.